A Death In The Family And The Impact On The Holiday Season
25th December 2009 by Bereaved No CommentsDeath can be a very difficult aspect of life to deal with in the first place. When a death occurs during the holiday season there can be a profound sense of loss that is well outlined by the obvious hole left in the family. When it comes to handling holiday deaths you have to just look inside and follow the belief system that you are most comfortable with.
The home can feel empty when a loved one is lost during the holidays. Decorations are up, gifts are wrapped, and even the pup curled up on the foam dog bed in the corner knows that the season isn’t the same. He can’t tell you what to do, but you’d take his answer. Do you move forward with the holiday or do you stop the season now and offer everyone time to mourn.
At no time do you have to pressure yourself into making the right decision. There isn’t one. Stocking stuffers like new baby bath toys and those neat little race cars can be hard reminders or a source of joy. The path is not one that comes with a good map.
Don’t expect anyone to really agree with you no matter how you decide to proceed with the grieving process and the holidays. Some will say the end result depends on which family member passed away while others think that the means of death plays a role. Long term illness can be prepared for. Sudden death can catch everyone off guard. Suicide during the holidays can be a source of anger for everyone. Sometimes it is actually relative. Some people just want to ensure the children still have a holiday.
Older children may dig their heels in when it comes to how they feel everything should be handled. Often older children are finding their political voice and they take strong positions on what they consider to be moral issues.
When there are not children in the home, the decision doesn’t necessarily get easier. Adult siblings and those who are party to the holiday often don’t agree on a single idea. The biggest point to keep in mind that even when emotions are high, the bickering that can ensue is not helpful for anyone.
What about the gifts? Some people leave the gifts given by the deceased for another time. You may not know whether you’re supposed to return the cashmere sweater, the tickets to the game, or the latest kindle that you purchased or hold onto it and find another use for it later. Giving it to someone else is an option, but it might not be one you feel good about. Only your best inner voice can offer you guidance on personal decisions of celebration and the death of a loved one.
